It's very early. I'm still awake. The battery charger for my portable died. It will be a few more days until it's replaced. I knew that $300 extended warranty would eventually prove itself useful. Just not THAT usefuk. The point is that I'm using my cell phone to paintakingly compose this blog. I just need to get my thoughts out of my head and into writing.
I've been struggling with bipolar disorder for over a year. I've had chronic migraines nearly every other day my entire life. The good news is that the medications for bipolar disorder seem to be working. In addition to that, the same medications seem to have stopped my migraines. This past month has been a totally new life experience. This past year felt like a string of obstacles that I was constantly attending to without bothering to look beyond them. The last four months my goal was to not kill myself. Getting through the day without blowing my brains into the air was an accomplishment.
But now I have the benefit and terror of looking past my next hour. I'm starting to think about who I am, what I want to do in life, where I want to live, and how I can repair all the damage done during my bipolar episodes and as a result of chronic pain. I've damaged relationships, lost respect, let opportunities pass me by, and really complicated my financial situation. I'm feeling overwhelmed thinking about my future. I'm also feeling frustrated with what my life currently looks like.
I guess I was so busy trying to stay alive that everything else took second place. This makes sense and I wouldn't change anything if I had to do it again. I am afraid and unsure of what to do next.
I'm not happy with my body. I think I'm a little bit overweight. I'm too pale. I have some acne. My teeth are a little yellow. I would like better defined biceps. Then again I'm still attractive, just more critical than attractive.
Without chronic pain my options in life really open up. I guess I'm just scrambling over what to do next.
I've been struggling with bipolar disorder for over a year. I've had chronic migraines nearly every other day my entire life. The good news is that the medications for bipolar disorder seem to be working. In addition to that, the same medications seem to have stopped my migraines. This past month has been a totally new life experience. This past year felt like a string of obstacles that I was constantly attending to without bothering to look beyond them. The last four months my goal was to not kill myself. Getting through the day without blowing my brains into the air was an accomplishment.
But now I have the benefit and terror of looking past my next hour. I'm starting to think about who I am, what I want to do in life, where I want to live, and how I can repair all the damage done during my bipolar episodes and as a result of chronic pain. I've damaged relationships, lost respect, let opportunities pass me by, and really complicated my financial situation. I'm feeling overwhelmed thinking about my future. I'm also feeling frustrated with what my life currently looks like.
I guess I was so busy trying to stay alive that everything else took second place. This makes sense and I wouldn't change anything if I had to do it again. I am afraid and unsure of what to do next.
I'm not happy with my body. I think I'm a little bit overweight. I'm too pale. I have some acne. My teeth are a little yellow. I would like better defined biceps. Then again I'm still attractive, just more critical than attractive.
Without chronic pain my options in life really open up. I guess I'm just scrambling over what to do next.